India, Here I Come.....after a gap of 4 years!!

Its been a while...quite a long time..since i have last posted on my blog.

I am flying down home to India, after a gap of 4 years.

You, being surprised would be asking...what were you doing all these while?

Aise ho gaya...Kya Kare!!

I work in UAE (United Arab Emirates). Been working there since 2005 onwards. (Prior to that, from 2001 to 2005 , in Saudi Arabia).

In the X'mas of 2005, i had been down to India.

In Mid 2006, i had made agreements with a junior of mine that i would go for X'Mas in 2006 and he would go home in January 2007. by Bad Luck that guy got terminated. I had to stay to look after all the work.

Each year, one or the other important milestones of the Projects i have been working on prevented me from going home.

I am not a work-a-holic, but there is a strong sense of loyalty to my job that has become a curse.

In 2008, my family has joined me. I am working on another project which has completed successfuly.

Tomorrow...2nd July 2009 i am flying home.

I am looking forwards to it.

Looking forward to feel the raindrops on my face.

Looking forward to walking in the green fields.

Looking forward to meeting my old pals.

India, Here I come.

India Burned, We cried, Dried Our Tears And Went Back To Our Selfish Ways....

The Terrorist Attack on Mumbai brought all of india to a rude awakening.

people from all walks died out there amidst the hail of bullets, caught in the cross fire and fire.

It is of course a very grim situation that India is facing now.

I have to vent my feelings sitting at my laptop all way so far away in Ras Al Khaimah in United Arab Emirates.

1. Every Country should have a Major Emergency Risk Management Set Up. USA learnt it the hard way and set up the Department of Homeland Secuirty.

The word Homeland Security refers to a security effort by a government to protect a nation against perceived external or internal threats.

What the fuck has India done, after the Babri Masjid Demolition and the following Mumbai Blasts and the Mumbai Riots?? Absolutley Nothing. They created some TADA and POTA ..which were eventually used by the various goverments to their own advantages.

What the fuck has has India done after the various Terror Strikes against it?? Absolutely Nothing except throw the blame on the other.

What the Fuck has India Done during the Mumbai Terror Attacks?? Absolutely Nothing!!

India Should come to the bloody understanding that the complete crop of politicians out there, be it any party  ARE THE BANE OF OUR NATION.

It is the YOUTH of our Nation and the Commoner who should be taking charge.

I am not saying that we should go to the extreme extent of asking the Army to Rule the Nation  as in National Emergency.

Hodling a few candle light vigils for the victims and a few marches is not going to change anything.

A  Mass uprising is required against the Political Establishment of our country, against all Political Parties, be it the INC or the BJP or the BSP or CPM...against all politicians.

After all we are the silly idiots who elect these bastards to power. 

They should be answerable to us. 

They fucking should serve us. 

We elect them to raise voices for our issues at the state and the centre. 

If they think that the positions into which they are elected to are their birth right or luck, they should think twice. 

These assholes should be taught a lesson.

Coming back to Homeland Security Set up for our country - its zilch, nada, a big BIG ZERO.

Something has to be done on this! and Its the fucking responsibility of us the citizens to raise our demand for Such.

2. Media Coverage. During the Mumbai Terror Attacks, 58 normal folks who were waiting to baord the trains were murdered brutally at the CST. Tell me, what coverage was given pre and post the attack??? Minimal!

The Media Channels had centred their reporting only on the Oberoi/Trident, The Taj Mahal Hotel and the Nariman House.

Itrs just my ranting, of course. But, those folks who died are dear to us, the same as you and me, normnal folks, not the high flying business men and richie riches who frequent such places. There is disparity in reporting and many more. i am noit getting into all that.

3. The Police is an ineffectual instrument in outr country, the tool of the politicans. The entire Police Force has to be disbanded and re structued again with new blood, with people who stand up to things that matter, matters that are just.

My rantings over.

all shit is welcome as comments!

Shoot the Politicians. Shake up the structure. Rebuild it. For a better tomorrow.

And Strike Back!!

God Plays On Us......

I Hope my wife understands this....

I am an Average Joe! I was once an introvert, but the necessities of life have changed it. I am not shy any more, but i still do take time to make friends.

When it comes to my family, they matter more than everything to me.

My wife and son - they love me like hell!

I am resonsive to them coz i dont want to fall in the same rut that my father walked in - Though he loved his family very much, He was from Old School and his idea of masculinity was being gruff and less show of love!

I love my family - I express it out!!

 The song "If Tomorrow Never Comes"  by Garth Brooks and later sung by Ronan Keating, is a favourite of mine.

I asked my wife to listen to the song, and after listening she started to punch my arm saying 

"Dont you ever think of Death!!"

Those who have not hear the song or read the Lyrics, I recommend the song for all those who love the woman in their life....

If Tomorrow Never Comes - Garth Brooks

Sometimes late at night
I lie awake and watch her sleeping
Shes lost in peaceful dreams
So I turn out the lights and lay there in the dark
And the thought crosses my mind
If I never wake up in the morning
Would she ever doubt the way I feel
About her in my heart

(chorus)

If tomorrow never comes
Will she know how much I loved her
Did I try in every way to show her every day
That shes my only one
And if my time on earth were through
And she must face the world without me
Is the love I gave her in the past
Gonna be enough to last
If tomorrow never comes
cause Ive lost loved ones in my life
Who never knew how much I loved them
Now I live with the regret
That my true feelings for them never were revealed
So I made a promise to myself
To say each day how much she means to me
And avoid that circumstance
Where theres no second chance to tell her how I feel

*chorus*

So tell that someone that you love
Just what youre thinking of
If tomorrow never comes

Wifey, Dear!!! I Love you and Joshua!!

PS.

I usually jot down my thoughts in a small pad. my wife found this pad and read the stuff i wrote for this blog and penned a little bit while i was taking a bath...here it is...

**********************************************************************************

From a Wife who deserves nothing....Thank You.

We Love you very much, with all your negatives and positives.

Remember, LOVE comes from GOD, not from PEOPLE!

We are only his Instruments of his LOVE, where MUSIC comes out when plays.

But expect irregular beats because every instrument can fail or break at any moment, 

But hopefully the MUSICIAN will correct it in time and tunes it accordingly to the neccesity.

He Loves You and Through Us (Sofi and Joshua) He is showing his love for you!

God Bless you, My Husband!

**********************************************************************************

My E-books Folder

For those love E-books, here is my virtual drive of ebooks in 4shared.com

http://www.4shared.com/dir/7354883/476ff48e/sharing.html

I will be loading a lot more ebooks to fil lthe 5 GB capacity of my account, then create another account to add more and more.

Love on the Chook Chook (A Tragi-Comedic Experience)

Ernakulam Railway Station, morning 7.30 a.m.

I had just landed along with Kissy, A college Mate on another Train!

"Hey Rosh! Where is Vipin, Man? He had promised to be here!!"

"No Idea Bhai. Let us wait. There's Plenty of Time for the Express"

[Since this is a story...names have been changed...Kissy will remain Kissy...no real names given. So, No Fear!]

We deposited our luggage in a heap near a bench and sat down to wait for the other college mates to come.

We were the students of Regional Engineering College, Durgapur, West Bengal. Kerala had a quota of 6 seats including reservation in REC Durgapur. It was our Summer Vacations and we had all gone home to enjoy and were returning back to College.

"Yaar. No Charakks here Man!!"

["Charakk"....in Malaylam means "Goods"...Same as in "Maal" in Hindi]

"Saaley...!! There is nothing but charakks in your mind. Remember our picnic to the barrage where you called a couple of aunties charakks and their Hubbies came to beat the shit out of you?"

"Yaar. How can I forget that. Anyway those aunties were real Maals!!heee hee"

"Saaley. Bhaag. So you want to get a thrashing in your Home ground Also? Well, Count me Out!!"

I wandered down to the Higgin Bothams Bookstore, purchased a novel and a few magazines and settled down to read the mags. Kissy was already relaxing listening to music on his Walkman.

[This was a time before mobile phones and mp3 players. All we could lay hands was the good old Walkman!! Now the Cassette together with the Walkman are becoming extinct!!]

At around, 8.30 Vipin came to the station.

"Vipin. This Saaley is upto his old charakk tricks now. You better keep under control. We dont want to get thrashed!"

"Kissy....Any further Maal trouble...Tere Sir Kaput. Samjah?"

"Kissy..is a Skirt Chaser dude. You can never straighten a dog's tail. Same with Kissy"

"Theek hai. I am listening to Music. No Maal trouble. Satisfied??"

"hmmmmmmmmmm..."

Vipin went down to the refreshment booth and got for us some "Fruitis".

More Time pass..chatting about our vacations!!

"God knows what Bhose D.K has in plans for us in the new semester!! Woh to haraami hai saaley!"

"Yaar. My Suppli papers are starting 3 weeks down. Got loads to study. Otherwise M/s. Moorthy and Iyer will skin me alive.Are they Human or some sort of vampires. Khoon Choostha hai saala."

"Chal. Everything will be Ok"

By around 11.3o a.m, the Cochin Patna Express, slowly chugs into the station. We gather out luggages , walk down to the compartment which has our reserved berths.

Kissy and I had two side Berths near the Door. My Berth was the top one. Vipin had one of the long berths in the same area.

We had two more mates gettin on the train - Raky from Aluva(Alwaye) and Mani from palakkad (Palghat). By the time the train had started chugging, we had settled down in our seats.

After an Hour Raky joined us at Aluwa. We four began a card game to pass time.

We went up and down the compartment and found that it was berefit of girls - only aunties and mausis and naanis.

Kissy as usual sported a dejected look.

"Yaar. Rajasthan is more ferltile than this compartment. Not even one chick!!"

Vipin was his usual taciturn self. But Raky couldn't but pull Kissy's leg.

"Bhag. You and your Chick Business. Kya, do you have any plans to go into Poultry Business? No Wonder!!"

" Many of the seats are still empty. We cant loose hope. maybe, some chick will get on at other stations. After all we have to travel for 3 days and 3 nights...right??"

Soon, We reached Palakkad Station. Mani climbed in with his luggages.

We started to make a big hullaboo teasing mani singing..."Ding Dong Ding Dong...Mani Bajae"

It was then, a family climbed into the compartment.

At first it was the father, then the mother and then.....two girls.

Kissy suddenly sat upright..chest all puffed up reminding us of the Skinny Man-with-puffed-up-chest-when-girl -passes-by dept.

Both the girls were very beautiful. When they passed us, they looked at us, with a faint smile on their lips.

Kissy was overcome with Joy.

The train chugged on........

Some one yelling into my ear "Rosh! wake up! Its Madras Station Already!! Udd Yaar!"

I opened my eyes and there stood Vipin with his toothbrush in his hand!

I was mad at him for breaking my beautiful sleep "Oh yaar! it was a Good Sleep! Why the Hell did you have to break it?"

But he was not going to let me off to sleep again... "Lazy bones. Get up. You can sleep later in the afternoon"

I looked down from my berth to Kissy's Berth and found it vacant!

"Vipin! where is Kissy?"

"Romeo has gone with Raky to trawl the other compartments for "Maals"!!"

"Yaar. Kissy is going to misguide Raky for sure. Chappal se maar milke hi vaapas aayega!"

I got down from my berth, got out my toothbrush and paste and walked to the toilet/wash area.

The two girls who had got on at Palakkad were standing there, brushing their teeth.

"Excuse Me. Could i just wet my toothbrush a bit?"

They turned around.

Both of them were beautiful!!!

They smiled and stood aside and i wetted by tooth brush and moved away.

I stood at one of the doors brushing my teeth. I could see that both the girls were stealing looks at me on the sly.

Not wanting to miss the moment, i gave them a toothpaste filled smile and they burst out laughing and giggling!!

I too laughed with them. (Roshan's advise : Try to grab the moment, dudes! make the most of every moment, however akward they are!!)

After they had finished with their brushing and cleaning, they were still loitering near the doors.

I too had completed my cleaning and i gave them a "full colgate smile"!

They were impressed, I think, for they smiled quite nicely.

Not wanting to lose the opportunity, i gathered courage and asked

"Hi. are you going all way to Patna?"

"No. We are getting down at Kharaghpur"

"Ok. I am Roshan. We are Engineering College Students. We are going back to college after the durga puja vacations "

[I didnt bother to inform them that i was heading for Durgapur. What was the use?]

By this time, Kissy followed by Raky have joined me and is taking stealth looks at the girls.

Kissy starts poking me and I, getting his point, introduced them to the girls!!

[Balance to come...]

The Smirk

It was finally a Saturday Morning.

I woke quite late due to the Small Beer Binge in my Flat.

Actually it was 'BJ' himself who troubled my sleep.....BJ....as in ...you know....Black Jack !!
Ever since he took the Art of Living Course, He has been a Pain In The Ass!! Gets up early in the morning and wakes up others also , even if we didnt want to wake up too! The Bugger doesn't care whether it is a Saturday or Sunday!!

"Hey Machaaaa!! Udd Udd..Wake Up, Rise n Shine, Udd udddd!!"

"Bhaag Saaley...."

"Machaa...i got some news for you ...Do you remember Anita?? hmmmm? hmmmmm? Do you remember her??"

"Yeah I remember her. How can i forget her Dude. Now, get to the point!!"

"Ab tu Bhaag machha...Now its time for my Meditation. I need Quite. I need Peace. Now Shoooo. I will tell you later "

"Tere to..Saaley. Theek hai. Let me go and make a cup of Coffee. Take your Own Time"

While i was sipping my warm cup of coffee...with my mind wandering .. BJ walks in and planted himself in the beanbag opposite me.

"Machha. You and Anita had a thing going between you a year back..right??"

"Yeah. We had a thing going....hmmmm..But She decided that I was not Man Enough for Her!!"

"Yes. Machaaa I remember. You came back that night all Drunk and Dangerous...How can i forget that night?? You still haven't paid for the TV you broke"

"Bhaag Saaley. That TV was on share between all of us. Not just you. Ab dimag kharab mat kar"

"Bhai. You of course know the guy to whom she is engaged - Naveen."

"How can i forget him also. Pretty smooth worker- that dude!"

"Machha... That dude died in a horrific Car Accident yesterday night. Nimisha Just called me and told me. It Seems Anita has gone into a shock"

"Shock? Ok....Whatever. Dude, do you have any better news to tell. I got better things to do than listen to crap like this! Ab tu bhaag and do your Sri Sri Sri Stuff"


I moved into my Room and closed the Door.
When i turned and looked in the tall mirror, Did i detect a faint 'Smirk' on my Face?

Filmi Style, my mind went flash back.....a very painful flash back....

I still remember that Valentine's Day and the pain!!

She was in the small friend circle that was formed among us young professionals in small city of J.
Our Friend Circle was quite popular and folks wanted to join in.

There was a sort of chemistry between us - Anita and Me. We jelled together with ease. To put thing short, small get togethers, house parties, dining out....for long time, we were together and i had developed a comfort personal zone with her. She was a person whom i could talk bindaas, without any get ups.

That Valentine's Day, after a lot of Deliberation, I gave her the rose and the Card.
I told her what i felt for her.
But then, there are quite a load of thorns in a bed of roses. here they were sharp knives, piercing through your heart.
"Sorry. I Cant Accept It."
"Don't Hurry. Take your time, Anita. You know me well. take your time and tell me your Decision"

"I don't need Time. I don't like this at all. If I know You Well, Thats reason enough for my Refusal"
"Would you please leave me alone?"

My heart was pierced with all those knives. It was very hard to handle rejection. I am not a vain man. But i had believed that there was something between us after all those togetherness.

When i had turned around to leave, i saw him standing far away in a corner with a "Satisfied Smirk" on his face - Naveen.

Now, when I think of Naveen, i feel sort of Admiration For Him. he was a Smooth Worker, an Excellent Manager and Strategist. No Wonder he was a top player in his Company's Construction Dept. *

Naveen had moved into the city about 6 months back to the Valentine Day issue. He was not a full member of our Friend Circle, But Jhumpy who worked along with him had brought him along to our get togethers.

The guy was never active in any sense, sort of a background player.

But I never knew that he was machinating many events ..which led to the heart ache i faced that day.

I am a straight forward man, but when i heard about the sneaky work he has done to get close to Anita, how he had poisoned her mind against me, how he instructed her to avoid me and to reject me...my blood boiled up!

My friends knew all the things that were going around, but didn't want to hurt my feelings, so they never ever told me about Naveen and Anita until then.

I wanted to Rip out His heart.

"Calm Down Macha...Calm Down"
"She is not worthy of you Dude. We know you well. You are one of the best friends any one can have. She is not worthy of You. Leave it"
"Leave it Ass! You will find a better girl than her"

All these words of comfort did no good but add to the pain. I drank that Night like i have never drunk before. I broke many items in the flat out of anger. Somehow..i Slept Off.

From that day, i have kept my distance with the girls. I have a lot of friends who are women, but they just stay friends ....nothing more. some have indicated their interest in me, but my other close pals who know me in and out have made them understand that i am not willing for any commitment.

"Machaaaa....!! What are you Doing? We got to go to see Chandy today."
Chandy....no he was not a mallu..but short for Chandigarh from where he was. Chandy had his immigration papers cleared for Australia...and was to leave in a week's time. We had planned to go there as a group to have a small get together.

"Machaaa..!! Do you know? Anita is in the same building as Chandy. maybe we should drop in as a group to give our condolences"

Yes. My skewered mind wanted that bit for revenge to see her in pain. Yes!

"You are right Dude. Call up the others and we will go there after the thingy at Chandy's"

Yes. My Smirk grew Bigger. The Pain I felt was being avenged. I wanted to Smirk in her face, in front of her. I wanted her to feel the pain of having me laughing at her pain. i kept on imagining her face, when she sees me offering her my condolences!

Chandy's farewell party went fine. But my mind was elsewhere, imagining Anita's face.

Later when we went down to her flat, it was her parents who had flown up from Kerala who had opened the door.

Jhumpy introduced ourselves and we went in to meet Anita.
Each of our friends went in to Anita's Room and offered their condolences.
When it was my turn, i went in...and got the shock of my life.
That was not Anita there.
It was a Shell of a Person.
Without life, with just pain writ all over her face.
Her eyes were looking into nothing, there was no smile,
Her whole face was as if it was chiseled of stone.

"Anita. I am So Sorry for you"
She looked up at me with those eyes....and then i realized a part of her has already died along with Naveen.

I couldn't stay there any longer. I rushed out.

There was no Anita there ....
I was planning myself to laugh in her face....which now showed the pain of loss.
I wanted her to see my Smirk, which i had practised to show to her. But i couldn't!
I don't know why , but i couldn't do it.


That night, i was drinking again, i cried a lot.

I had sympathies for Anita ..who had lost her love.

I didn't cry for her.

I cried for myself.....For i was on the verge of losing my humaneness.

I cried for the people of the world....I am not alone, there are millions like me, losing their humaneness.

I cried..for becoming something i despise.

I promised myself...I will at least be a little human in my life, wherever and whenever it is possible.


I went to Sleep.....Thinking of Electric Sheep.....

Plainspeak

As I had Said in a Previous Post, I write very different to others.
Others pick & chose their words and string them.
I wirte as I Speak.
I speak as I Think.
Direct From the Heart.
No Fancy words. Plainspeak.

If its labelled Fiction, it still has a bit of me in there or a bit of folks I know in there.

Escapism is No Answer!!

This is Something i have never ever told the world.
I was an Escapist Once.

Escapism is a tendency to create a make believe world and 'live' in that world while actually living in the real time world.

When I Started my Engineering Course, I was full of hope that i will graduate as a good Engineer, get a Good Job, make loads and loads of Moolah.
During my 2nd Semester, i flunked a few papers. These papers were attempted again as supplementary Papers, Back Papers and even Re-back Papers. (in our college lingo - suppli, back and Re-backs).
By the time i reached third year, i started to develop Escapist Tendencies.
I made myself believe that what is real is not real at all. I am someone else, doing something else.
But at the same moment, i was living a double life in the real world.
I bunked my classes and sat alone in my room, or in the parks, living out my fantasies in my make believe World.

There I was the Lord and Master of All.
There I loved and Lost. There i chased maidens through the forests, frolicked with them, married many ( :) ), fathered hundered of children....(oh my god..my mind was like a runaway horse)
There I was Poor, I was Rich, I built up Empires and Destroyed them at Whims.
There I was the Superhero, I was the Supervillian, changing shades at the flick of the whip.

All this while, i neglected my real life. My real life became non existant.
I stopped going home for my vacations. I stopped talking to my parents.
I had a very few friends, but even they didnt know my deception.


By the time i completed third year, my condition was worse. I was loosing touch with reality.
I Flunked My Course. But i never ever told my parents or relatives. I made up stories that i was studying for the Final Year, while i was doing nothing over there.

Then, suddenly i wanted to commit Suicide. I attempted to commit Suicide but failed- the rope broke along with the Fan and came falling down, missing me.

By that time, papers from my college reached home that i have flunked in my course. My Dad called me Home and I went home.

There i was like, i wanted to go for Sanyas/Join an Ahsram and my property or whatever share i will get can be divided between my sisters etc.

My dad didnt allow for anything. he kept me at home.
He told me that if i dont want to be an Engineer, its fine, No Probs at all, I can be whatever i want.
He calmed me down.
He encouraged me to study computers.
I studied Diploma in Computer Applications, Quality Control, Material Management etc. to keep my mind Occupied.

My Father's constant monitoring helped a lot.

But the most important thing that happened to me was I lost my Self Pity.
I got angry when the townsfolk started muttering about the Good- for-nothing guy i was.
I grew Angrier. The More Angrier i became, the More the Make Believe World crumbled.

I took out my Engineering College Books, Studied with vengeance.

I Went Back to College, Cleared my papers, Joined Final year and Finished the Course with quite Good or near the Top percentage.

I was wondering that if I had studied the way i did for the final year, i would have become the gold medalist in my batch.

But my experience was necessary, it taught me a valuable lesson. Be rooted in your real world. Fantasies are for relaxation .You should be in charge of your life, not your heart.

Now here am I, after 11 years, having a great job i love, having a wonderful wife and son, having great friends whom i can rely upon.

Would it have been possible, for me if i had still lived in my make believe world?
I would have been dead by now.

Who ever wants can learn from my mistakes. I am telling you.

Ouija Boards........

Ouija Boards........


I still remember the times of my college days when me and my pals were so interested in everything supernatural.
I am still interested in the supernatural, but with a skeptical viewpoint.
But during those days, we were interested in all mundane things.

One time, during our second year of Engineering College, we decided to Hold a Ouija Board "Seance". It was about 12.00 midnight and we started the thingy. We had hand drawn an Ouija Board on an Drawing Sheet and used a one rupee coin as the palanchette.

We decided to call upon the spirit of some politician who had died the previous day. (i stil ldont recall who it was..but he was a prominent one and i think from West Bengal..died during 1992-93 period)
I was one of the guys placing the finger on the coin. We started with some meditations(hah!) and auidibly called out
" Can we communicate with the Spirit of ....................(the deceased politician). Please reply with Yes or No."
Slowly the planchette ws moving around, but not to where we wanted..either an YES or a NO.
It went on like that for half an hour to no avail.
Then we decided to call it a day (night actually), but didn't say the customary GOOD BYE to whomever we called.
Then one of the guys who was watching the whole stuff , who had read some stuff about the Ouija Board told us that we should have said good bye and since we havent, the spirit will haunt who invited him to the seance.

I was like ..Bull...ht, it was a waste of time..etc.
But deep down in my heart, i was slowly getting scared.
What if the spirit will haunt me?
But then, my skewed, wierd, skeptical mind came to my rescue with a twist in reason...
"Dude if the politician comes to haunt you, you can use him to your needs..muahahah"
So, comforting myself with that i went to sleep.

If you folks who are reading what i have wrote, are thinking i really got haunted or possessed....Naaah.
My days went as usual.
Now, to the point how the plancehtte moved around...it was my pal whose finger got heavy and started nudging the coin around. Bloody fellow...!!

Now a days i still do research the paranormal, supernatural, ancient mysteries and ancient civilizations, spirituality etc...more concentrating on ancint civilizations and mysteries...i still do come across a discussion on the Ouija Board.

You can find some online Ouija Boards at

http://www.museumoftalkingboards.com/

where these is a list of online Ouija Boards for your pleasure, fear or whatever you may please.


You can try one at http://www.museumoftalkingboards.com/WebOuija.html

I have regained some interest in the Ouija Board and am planning to recruit some of my friends to do a seance.

But i am still a skeptic!